Snoop Bloggy Blogg

Long time, no bloggy.

2008-10-15T00:56:00.002-04:00

Wow. I haven't blogged for a long time. Life has changed. I moved back to KC. Bought a little house. And soon, more blogs... .

A message from the Department of Blogland Security

2008-05-05T12:29:00.004-04:00

Due to a lack of loyalty and patrioblogism, Lil' Joj has been blogxiled from this site. Under the new Patrioblog Act, if she is found within its borders, she will be considered a threat and be detained. And her blog will be invaded and occupied. Don't have an exit strategy yet. Can't I just sign out?

You happy, Lil' Joj?

2008-05-05T12:17:00.001-04:00

Lil' Joj says I need to update this blog.

Updated.

Boiling over.

2008-03-27T11:35:00.008-04:00

So, a few years ago, I had an idea for a Food Network TV show. I even submitted it to the network. It was called Scavenger Chef, where a contestant had to go to all of his neighbors and creatively ask to borrow ingredients to make a meal. The contestant would get extra points if he could talk the neighbors into letting him into their homes to use their stoves, grills, cookware, dishes, utensils, etc. We’d shoot it with a hidden camera to see how “neighborly” his neighbors actually were if they didn’t know a TV show was behind it. The kicker was that they would reap from it, too, because in the end, the meal would be for a block party to bring the community together.

Well, yesterday, I was watching Top Chef and guess what...the challenge for the chefs was just that: Go to a neighborhood, ask people for ingredients, and throw a block party for them.

WTF? Apparently Top Chef got to the top by stealing ideas and climbing right over the people who cooked them up (Yes, I'm aware Top Chef is on Bravo, but I'm sure TV producers all get together and mingle all the time)! Talked about being stabbed in the back with a serrated chef's knife! Looks like my path to fame, stardom and riches is now spoiled. Should’ve used Tupperware. Okay, enough with the overuse of cooking jargon. It’s getting stale. Dammit, did it again.

Lil Joj suggested I take the Food Network to court. I have a better idea: how about I battle them on Iron Chef? Wait a sec... could this be a new show idea? Where people settle their legal disputes in a KItchen Stadium-like setting? The show could be called FOOD COURT. Genius! My fellow comic friend Will C thinks that presiding over the Food Court should be Judge Joe Brown Rice. Ha! That’s the only funny thing he’s ever said.

Chew on that, Food Network and Top Chef. Looks like I just created a new special of the day, and this time, you're not allowed to sit at the table. I don't want you to steal this recipe. GEEZ, ENOUGH WITH THE LINGO ALREADY!

Speaking of food, my friend Suba runs an awesome cooking class out of her beautiful new home. If you're in Kansas City, I suggest you sign up for it. If you're not in KC, you can read about it on her appetizing blog called Cooking With Suba.

Vincent Van Joj.

2008-03-08T00:00:00.010-05:00

Well, Lil' Joj decided to be nice to me and gave me an original piece of artwork. She's great at crafts. Unfortunately, this is a doodle, not a craft. It's supposed to be me on stage making her laugh so much she peed, not only in her chair, but through it. With pee pellets.

First of all, GROSS. Second, this would never happen because Lil' Joj never bothers to come to my shows. Third, look at how she views me: big, round head; legs shorter than arms; and slanty eyes, one bigger than the other. WTF???

Oh, Joj. The only thing that's keeping me from using this artwork to clean up the pee and flush it is that your pee puddle is in the shape of a heart. Awww...Lil' Joj secretly loves me.

Damn. I got blogged.

2008-03-07T12:04:00.018-05:00

You're good, Lil' Joj. Very good.

Lil' Joj has stepped up 2 the blog and bitch-blogged me. And it was a good one (go to liljoj.blogspot.com).

I have no comeback at the moment. I feel defeated. This is where, in the movie version of Step Up 2 the Blogs, I go back to my room or tree house with my head down wanting to give up. But then my dad or grandma or Morgan Freeman comes in, sits next to me on my race car bed, puts his/her arm around me and tells me how all great bloggers have been outblogged at some point in their lives. But they just get back on the keyboard and blog and blog until, eventually, they become the best blogger ever.

And then my dad or grandma or Morgan Freeman gets hit by a semi and either dies or winds up in a coma.

Now, I clearly see what I must do. I need to keep moving forward, to keep blogging, for Dad. For Grandma. For Morgan.

Step Up 2 the Blogs.

2008-03-07T01:08:00.005-05:00

My homegirl Lil' Joj just started a blog, Va Va Va Bloom. She challenged me to do the same. So, Lil' Joj, here it is. Will you be ready to step up, beyotch?